The simplest way to pray for someone is to hold them in mind, say their name, and wish them well. It works in any tradition and in none, it takes a few minutes, and it does not require you to know what the person needs. This guide offers a gentle way to do it, some words you can use, and a few limits on what to promise.
The short version: picture the person, say their name quietly, offer a short wish for their wellbeing, and then rest in silence. Do not promise outcomes, and do not tell the person what you did unless they would welcome it.
A simple way to hold someone in prayer or meditation
Holding someone in prayer is less a technique than an attitude. You turn your attention toward them with care, and you leave the rest open. Here is a way that fits within the eight minutes of the Sunday practice:
- Settle (1 minute). Sit comfortably. Breathe out slowly a few times.
- Bring the person to mind (1 minute). Picture their face, or just their name. Remember them as a whole person, not only as a problem or an illness.
- Say the words (2 minutes). Use a short prayer or wish. Examples are below.
- Stay with them (3 minutes). Rest in silence, as if keeping them company. If your mind wanders, return to the name.
- Let go (1 minute). Open your hands, in your imagination or in fact. Say: "I hand this into larger care than my own."
If you believe in God, you may be speaking to God. If you do not, you may be sending good wishes, or simply paying attention. Both are real ways of caring.
What to say
You do not need fine words. The following are our own formulations, so adapt freely.
May [name] be safe. May [name] be held in care. May [name] find peace today.
I bring [name] to mind and wish them well. May they not be alone.
Whatever [name] is facing, may they have the strength and the help they need.
For people who pray within Christian tradition, the King James Bible has a blessing that is often offered for others: "The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: the LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: the LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace." (Numbers 6:24 to 26)
For someone with whom you are in conflict, a short wish like "May you be at peace, and may I be at peace with you" can be said even when you cannot say it to their face. For more on that stance, see loving-kindness meditation.
Lighting a candle
Some people like a physical or visual sign when they hold someone in mind. On the home page of Cosmic Peace Prayers you can light a candle: go to the candle on the home page. It is a quiet way to mark that someone is being held in thought, whether the person is near or far, living or gone. You can also light a real candle at home while you say the words above.
What not to promise
The kindest prayers are modest. A few cautions:
- Do not promise a result. Never say "this will heal you" or "everything will be fine". Nobody can know that, and it can hurt when it does not come true.
- Do not replace practical help. If someone is ill, in danger or in need, prayer goes alongside medical care, practical support and presence, not instead of them.
- Do not say "I will pray for you" unless you will. If you say it, do it, even briefly. A short true prayer is better than a long promise.
- Do not pray at someone. Respect their beliefs. A person of another faith or no faith may prefer a quiet "I am thinking of you."
- Do not pray for a person to change. Pray for their wellbeing and safety. Asking that someone become who you want them to be is not a prayer for them.
It is fine to say plainly what you are doing: "I am keeping you in my thoughts." That is kind and does not claim more than is true.
In any tradition, or none
People have prayed for each other in nearly every tradition. Christians speak of intercession, Jews and Muslims make supplications for others, and Buddhists dedicate their practice to the wellbeing of beings. People with no religion hold others in mind and wish them well. The forms differ, and the gesture is recognisable in all of them.
If you would like a regular time to do this, the Sunday practice at Cosmic Peace Prayers gives you eight minutes at 8 PM local time, with a timer on the home page. You are welcome to use all eight for one person. A related guide on prayer for inner peace may help when you are the one who needs holding. For a weekly note, you can join the Sunday Letter, and you can browse all guides.
Questions
How do I pray for someone if I do not know what they need?
You do not have to know. Wish for their safety, comfort and peace, and let your attention be a form of care. "May you be held in care" needs no details.
Can I pray for someone without telling them?
Yes. Many people prefer to do so quietly. If you do tell them, say it gently and make clear that it is an offer, not an obligation.
Can I pray for someone who is not religious?
You can hold anyone in your own prayer or meditation. If you tell them, it is kinder to say "I am thinking of you" than to impose religious language.
What should I not promise when I pray for someone?
Do not promise a cure, a rescue or any particular outcome. Promise only what you can do: remember them, wish them well and be present where you can.
How long does it take?
A minute is enough. In the Sunday practice you might spend all eight minutes on one person, or move through several names.